How To Manage Stress In Consulting

One year in consulting counts for three in the industry. This is mainly due to the higher levels of intensity and volatility of stress we endure.

Every day, we ride this emotional roller coaster:

One moment, we're soaring high from some arbitrary success, only the next moment to be brought down by another arbitrary setback.

Rinse and repeat.

That's why consultants get paid relatively higher salaries.

It’s not because they are more intelligent or capable but because people don’t want to go through this mental torture without proper compensation.

My relationship with stress was complicated.

Initially, I was unaware that it existed but was experiencing its negative effects. Then, I started becoming aware and tried finding effective coping mechanisms with intermittent success.

Now we stand toe to toe, hitting each other. I am coming up with new effective methods, yet the stress keeps increasing at a rate higher than I can handle.

In this post, I am trying to reflect on my journey and relationship with stress. I am far from perfect at dealing with stress, but maybe my journey will give you some food for thought and create some awareness.

During my first year in consulting, I experienced acute symptoms of intense and volatile stress. But I didn’t know what was happening to me. I had my eyes only on one prize - survival.

The stress manifested in a bouquet of 'fun' things like anxiety, imposter syndrome, panic attacks, debilitating pain, and feelings that I was not smart enough, not included, insignificant, and insecure.

One time, I attended a training with fifty other consultants. It was the first time I witnessed other consultants struggling with the same challenges as I did. And I discovered that I wasn’t the worst one in this bunch. It was a good calibration for me. I felt a bit relieved.

Remember in 'Harry Potter'’ when they practiced fighting Boggart, the fear monster? At that moment, I had the profound insight that most of the stress I experience is my creation. I feed and perpetuate my fears and insecurities, allowing them to blow out of proportion in my imagination.

My stress peaked during the transition from a consultant to a manager role. I regularly experienced overwhelming panic attacks. I couldn't bear it any longer, prompting me to take radical action for the first time.

I turned to martial arts, specifically Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. After two hours of grappling, your mind becomes clear, focusing solely on survival and solving the problems imposed by your opponent while you try to impose problems on them in return.

An unexpected realization was that getting choked during sparring puts your other problems into perspective. Post-sessions, I felt so calm and confident that I could handle anything.

BJJ helped a lot at that moment in life. It was maybe the most effective stress-relieving technique I ever tried. But it is also a very time-consuming activity, and I couldn’t sustain it.

Later, when I was already an established manager, I had the most challenging project. The perfect storm, when everything that could go wrong did go wrong. That was the lowest point in my career and my life. My confidence was shattered to pieces. I almost left the firm at that time.

I endured so much stress that I later realized it significantly deteriorated my physical health. One year later, during my regular health check-up, I discovered that it damaged my thyroid and overall hormonal system. After that, I was never the same. I gained a lot of weight, always felt sluggish, and looked ten years older than I was.

That was too much of a price for me to pay for enduring a high amount of stress, not being aware of its negative effects, and not being purposeful in coping with it. Unfortunately, it was like the effect of radiation for me; once you get too much exposure, the damage is irreversible.

I learned my lessons.

Tips and Tricks

Let me describe a few tips and tricks that helped me cope with and manage my stress. These are not in any particular order; they are just a laundry list of things I've tried.

Learn to work well

I risk stating the obvious, but first, you must learn to work well in consulting and learn the basic consulting toolkit. Until you do that, you'll always be prone and vulnerable to higher levels of stress, and no amount of coping and managing will help.

Many new hires believe it takes years to master the consulting toolkit and that success hinges on unusual talent and luck. However, they often lack a structured approach to learning and rely mostly on chance.

From my experience working with dozens of consultants, I know it's a very learnable skill that can be acquired in months, not years.

My mission is to teach young consultants in a structured manner, accelerate their development, reduce their exposure to stress, and enhance their overall experience.

Not Everything is About You

Grasping this simple truth greatly helped me. If a partner snaps at you, makes a negative remark, or gives you a particular look, it's likely not about you or your performance.

People grapple with their problems and dramas. Partners are under tremendous stress and pressure. Your actions alone aren't significant enough to upset these battle-hardened, thick-skinned people.

Not Giving a F*ck

There is a whole genre of books talking about not giving a F*ck. The most popular one is "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck." I haven't read it myself, but I read "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender," which was helpful. If you haven't explored these books, they might benefit you.

Avoid toxic people

Toxic people can be the largest sources of stress in our lives. Some individuals are just inherently douchebags and assholes, and avoiding such people is often the best strategy.

You may not always be free to avoid toxic individuals, especially early in your career. However, the next time you evaluate the pros and cons of working with such people, consider the full impact of stress on your life and determine if the trade-off is worth it.

Meditation

Meditation is probably the most effective technique in terms of effort and impact. I turned to it during some of my most challenging times, around the same period I used BJJ to cope with stress. For some reason, I only use meditation when going through particularly tough periods in my life.

Journalling

I've been journaling for a long time. Putting thoughts on paper has a therapeutic effect and helps clear the mind. Writing these posts in this newsletter is one way I cope with my stress.

Internal Supporter

Our internal voice is often our harshest critic. It knows all our mistakes and embarrassing moments and tends to dwell on them.

I had this thought experiment: What if I created an internal supporter, a super fan of myself? I want someone who will remember all my great achievements and recount these war stories, especially during difficult and dark moments.

Of course, I try to do this internally. Saying it out loud would sound very weird.

Stoic philosophy

Discovering and learning about stoic philosophy was helpful for me. I accidentally stumbled upon some YouTube videos on this topic and later bought and read Marcus Aurelius’ book, "Meditations.”

A basic understanding of stoic philosophy helps put many things into perspective. I especially appreciate that we choose how to react to the world and that stressing about things we can’t control is useless. It's easier said than done, but with some awareness and practice, I see it positively impacting my life.

Sports

I train for triathlons six times weekly, 1-1.5 hours per session. I've realized that the stress I face now is not manageable with ordinary measures. By training in the mornings, I get my dose of endorphins, which helps me handle the challenges at work more effectively.

Therapy

Therapy is the next step for me in my journey and battle with stress. For some reason, I haven't tried it yet. Perhaps I had some prejudice about therapy in the past. But now, I clearly understand its potential value to my life.

Finally, I'm grappling with a thought-provoking question: What if the better you manage and tame your stress, the less ambitious and successful you become?

I remember doing crazy things driven by stress and insecurity. Now that I can manage my stress and not let it affect me as much, I no longer take such radical actions. Could this be limiting my success?

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P.S.

I feel your pain.

I struggled to perform as a consultant with extremely high expectations and minimal support.

My life turned into relentless stress, pain, and anxiety.

But I always suspected that there should be a better way.

Nine years later, I designed the coaching program I desperately needed back then.

Its sole focus is helping MBB consultants achieve high performance. Only then can you build strong sponsorships, find great projects, and become confident.

If you are an MBB consultant and want to achieve high performance, please
Book a 1-1 Discovery Session.

Learn more about the Hero Journey coaching program.

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