How to manage stress in consulting

One year in consulting counts as three in the industry. This is mainly due to the higher intensity and volatility of stress we endure.

The consulting job is extremely stressful.

Every day, we ride this emotional roller coaster:

One moment, we're soaring high from some arbitrary success, only the next moment to be brought down by another arbitrary setback.

Rinse and repeat.

That's why consultants get paid relatively higher salaries.

It’s not because they are more intelligent or capable but because normal people don’t want to go through this mental torture without proper compensation.

My relationship with stress was complicated.

In this post, I am trying to reflect on my journey and relationship with stress. I am far from perfect at dealing with stress, but maybe my journey will give you some food for thought.

During my first year in consulting, I experienced acute symptoms of intense stress. But I didn’t know what was happening to me. I had my eyes only on one prize - survival.

The stress manifested in a bouquet of 'fun' things like anxiety, imposter syndrome, panic attacks, debilitating pain, and feelings that I was not smart enough, not included, insignificant, and insecure.

One time, I attended a training with fifty other consultants. It was the first time I witnessed other consultants struggling with the same challenges as I did. And I discovered that I wasn’t the worst one in this cohort. It was a good calibration for me. I felt relieved.

My stress peaked during the transition from a consultant to a manager role. I regularly experienced overwhelming panic attacks. I couldn't bear it any longer, prompting me to take radical actions.

I turned to martial arts, specifically Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. After two hours of grappling, your mind becomes clear, focusing solely on survival and solving the problems imposed by your opponent while you try to impose problems on them in return.

BJJ helped a lot at that moment in life. It was maybe the most effective stress-relieving technique I ever tried. But it is also a very time-consuming activity, and I couldn’t sustain it.

Later, when I was already an established manager, I had the most challenging project. The perfect storm, when everything that could go wrong did go wrong. That was the lowest point in my career and my life. My confidence was shattered to pieces. I almost left the firm.

I endured so much stress that I later realized it significantly deteriorated my physical health. One year later, during my regular health check-up, I discovered that it damaged my thyroid and overall hormonal system. After that, I was never the same. I gained a lot of weight, always felt sluggish, and looked ten years older than I was.

That was too much of a price for me to pay for enduring a high amount of stress, not being aware of its negative effects, and not being purposeful in coping with it.

Unfortunately, it was like the effect of radiation for me; once you get too much exposure, the damage is irreversible.

I learned my lessons. Don’t repeat my mistakes.

Tips and Tricks

Let me describe a few tips and tricks that helped me cope with and manage my stress. They are not listed in any particular order.

Learn to work well

I risk stating the obvious, but first, you must learn to work well.

Until you do that, you'll always be vulnerable to higher levels of stress, and no coping will help.

Many new hires believe it takes years to master the consulting toolkit and that success hinges on unusual talent and luck. But, they often lack a structured approach to learning and rely mostly on chance.

From my experience, I know it's a very learnable skill that can be acquired in months, not years.

If you want to learn how to work well in consulting, read this post: Zero to Hero Journey.

Not Everything is About You

Understanding this simple truth really helped me.

If a partner snaps at you, makes a negative remark, or gives you a particular look, it's likely not about you or your performance.

People grapple with their own problems and dramas.

Partners live under tremendous stress and pressure. Your actions alone aren't significant enough to upset these battle-hardened, thick-skinned people.

Not Giving a F*ck

There is a whole genre of books talking about not giving a F*ck.

The most popular one is "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck." I haven't read it myself, but I read "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender," which was very helpful. If you haven't read these books, they might benefit you.

Avoid toxic people

Toxic people are the biggest sources of stress in our lives.

Some individuals are just inherently douchebags and assholes, and avoiding such people is often the best strategy.

You may not always be free to avoid toxic individuals, especially early in your career. But, the next time you evaluate the pros and cons of working with such people, consider the full impact of stress on your life and determine if the trade-off is worth it.

Meditation

Meditation is probably the most effective technique in terms of effort and impact.

I turned to it during some of my most challenging times, around the same period I used BJJ to cope with stress.

At some point, I was so stressed that I couldn’t start my day without 10-15 minutes of meditation. I felt completely unprepared for the hardships of my work.

Journalling

I've been journaling for a long time.

Putting thoughts on paper has a therapeutic effect and helps clear the mind. Writing these posts on this website is another way for me to cope with my stress.

Now, I have a huge library of my past Moleskine notebooks I used for many years working at consulting.

Internal Supporter

Our internal voice is often our harshest critic.

He knows all our mistakes and embarrassing moments and tends to dwell on them.

To deal with that, I had this thought experiment: What if I created an internal supporter, a super fan of myself? I wanted someone who would remember all my great achievements and war stories, especially during difficult and dark moments.

Of course, I try to do this internally. Saying it out loud would sound very weird.

Stoic philosophy

Discovering and learning about stoic philosophy was extremely helpful.

I accidentally stumbled upon some YouTube videos on this topic, and later, I bought and read Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations.

A basic understanding of stoic philosophy helps put many things into perspective.

Stressing out about things we can’t control is useless. It's easier said than done, but with some awareness and practice, I see it positively impacting my life.

Sports

I used to train for triathlons six times weekly, 1-1.5 hours per session.

The stress I faced as an AP at McKinsey was not manageable with ordinary measures. By training in the mornings, I used to get my dose of endorphins, which helped me handle the challenges at work more effectively.

Therapy

Therapy is the next step for me in my journey and battle with stress. For some reason, I haven't tried it yet. Perhaps I had some prejudice about therapy in the past. But now, I clearly understand its potential value to my life.

Finally, I'm grappling with a thought-provoking question: What if the better you manage and tame your stress, the less ambitious and successful you become?

I remember doing crazy things driven by stress and insecurity. Now that I can manage my stress and not let it affect me as much, I no longer take such radical actions. Could this be limiting my success?

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The consulting journey is complex and treacherous.

Walking it alone is extremely difficult. It’s helpful to have the support of someone who has experienced this journey and helped many others.

That is why I developed a coaching program for MBB consultants to help them achieve high performance and become successful.

If you are an MBB consultant and sick of struggling with performance and development, I would like to speak with you.

Book a Free 1-1 Consultation to discuss whether I can help you through my coaching program. There is no commitment, and you can ask any burning questions in a risk-free environment.

Read this post to learn more about the Hero’s Journey coaching program.

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