How to avoid toxicity in MBB consulting?
Many MBB consultants believe toxic leaders are inherently bad people. But often it’s a symptom, not a root cause. This post is for those who want to avoid toxicity and stress in their work
MBB Consulting is a highly toxic place.
But it doesn’t have to be this way for you.
In this post, I reflect on why it happens and how you can game the system to make it more favourable for you.
You know, as a consultant, I often found myself on the receiving side of toxic leadership. It was not a pleasant experience. It was actually my main source of stress and anxiety.
We, humans, are social beings. We are hard-wired to be sensitive to social cues. And if our leaders are unhappy with us, our brain sends hardcore emotional alarms. It’s a survival mechanism because in prehistoric times, that would mean certain exile from the tribe and certain death.
Unfortunately, toxicity was the norm.
In my early years, all the leaders I worked with were quite toxic. I had seen virtually no partners who demonstrated the nurturing leadership style I could admire. There were some good leaders, but they were extremely rare exceptions.
At that time, one question always bothered me.
Why do most partners have toxic leadership styles?
Was that the price of success at McKinsey? I wondered whether, in order to become successful, I also had to become a toxic manager.
The more I thought about it, the more I started asking myself a different question:
Can I break this pattern?
Can I become a successful leader, but with a nurturing leadership style? Can I show myself and others that it’s possible at McKinsey?
I made it my mission when I became an EM and AP.
I wanted to demonstrate by my own example that it’s possible to be successful without being toxic. I wanted to prove it to myself first of all.
In fact, it was possible.
And it worked very well for me. Apparently, it was a great strategy. It gave me a significant competitive advantage. But it had certain challenges and failures (read further in my post).
I managed to build a strong followership.
Most consultants liked my leadership style. I invested a significant amount of my time into coaching and mentorship.
That allowed me to staff the best performers. Then, my performance as an EM dramatically improved thanks to the great work of my teams.
But it was not all roses and sunshine.
I have to admit, there were a few situations when I turned into a toxic manager myself.
In rare situations, I turned into a horrible manager who demonstrated all the terrible behaviors I despised when I was a consultant.
Oh my god, I hated it!
These situations completely shattered the internal image I had of myself as a great leader. It felt like my pink glasses broke inside my eyes.
It was eating me alive. That led to more resentment toward myself and the consultants I was treating toxically. As a result, I tried to avoid working with consultants who made me feel this way.
It was a strong emotional reaction.
I know I shouldn’t have done this. I should have controlled myself better.
But you know, in certain situations, I just couldn’t control it. I understand that it was exacerbated by the strong stress I was going through. These toxic situations never happened when things went well.
I was not proud of my behavior.
I was actually ashamed of it, because I betrayed that ambition and vision I had in my mind for myself.
With time, I learned to be more patient and resilient, not reacting too strongly to external circumstances. But once in a while, I still went into that toxic spiral.
But why am I sharing this with you?
I want you to understand the anatomy of the problem better.
Of course, you can expect everyone to be nice and kind, but that’s not a practical and realistic approach to life and work.
I want you to grasp the issue more clearly, so you can solve it for yourself. If you know what your leaders are experiencing and what triggers them, you can navigate it more effectively.
You know, I remembered all the toxic leaders I met as a consultant. When I became an EM myself, I gained insight into their behaviour. Suddenly, it stopped being black and white as I thought before. I could see their perspective as well.
Here’s the big insight I got from that experience.
Toxicity is a symptom of a bigger problem.
It’s usually a symptom of a complex situation and a complex relationship between consultants and managers. And consultants’ individual performance is a big contributing factor there.
If you see a toxic leader, it’s always helpful to look at the situation from a bigger perspective.
People are rarely toxic by nature.
Not the majority. Yes, sometimes you get to meet pathological a**holes, but they are extremely rare, especially in MBB firms. But in most situations, they are all decent and even kind people.
There are two common reasons for toxicity.
First, the stress makes people behave in weird ways.
Most likely, your managers experience an unbearable amount of stress. Often, they are also being treated themselves toxically by superiors. And when they can’t cope with it effectively, that toxicity spills over to team members.
Try to observe them from a neutral point of view. Empathize with their pain and challenges. You will see a lot of new things that you were blind to before, due to the negative emotions and animosity you developed.
That can help you to shift the perspective and improve the relationship, not make it even worse. You can break the spiral of negative emotions.
Second, your performance is a big factor.
The poorer your performance, the more toxicity you endure.
It becomes a trigger and amplifier.
Especially, if you see an unusual number of toxic leaders around you, being toxic towards you, not other people, then maybe it’s a YOU problem. Think about it.
Not you as a person, but your performance and inability to build a trusted relationship with your leaders.
Poor performance makes consultants vulnerable.
And the opposite is true.
When I improved my performance, I managed to protect myself from most of the toxicity around me. Suddenly, my partners started treating me with respect. Even those who were notorious for being toxic and treating others horribly.
That’s why I coach consultants to achieve high performance to protect them from unnecessary stress and toxic leadership. That became a part of my coaching playbook for consultants.
And here’s the final insight.
If you want to become a nurturing manager yourself, you can do that only if you achieve high performance.
In MBB consulting, it’s virtually impossible to be a nice leader to your teams if your projects are failing, and your partners apply immense pressure on you. You either crack under the pressure or you get fired very soon for poor performance.
That’s why improving performance becomes the most effective lever to improve your experience working in an MBB firm as a consultant and as a future EM.
If you want more tactical and practical advice on how to deal with toxic managers, read my previous post on this topic:
How to deal with a toxic manager?
If you are an MBB consultant and want to improve your performance through personalized coaching support:
We will discuss your pain points, challenges, and aspirations. It’s a no-commitment call, just straight answers to your biggest questions.
If you want to learn more about my coaching program, read this post:
The coaching program for MBB consultants.